Grouses

Today, I just had some sort of an outburst at my friend. I'm not really sure why I had started to become an angry kid. I've not done anything much for the past 2 weeks since university's trimester started and I think I won't be able to do what I want to do most until after Chinese New Year. This gets upsetting to me when I have some things to do but I didn't even start doing it in the first place.

Now, I'm not sure where I should start. Firstly, I'd like to apologize to all those whom I've been rather harsh or rude to recently. More so to my friend Elvin.

Maybe I'm having a character crisis. Sometimes questions that arise in my head is, who should I be? Should I be the loner that I have been, or should I be the party animal that enjoys every bit of fun available? The temptations of thrill-seeking is really strong. And it is real.

Rationally, I understand that being boring is better than being overly adventurous. Emotionally, it's a battle against all these temptations is losing the fight. There are times when I don't know who I want to be and how am I going to be the person that I want to be?

There are also times when I feel as though I'm just so alien. Probably this has got something to do with my principles on life. But then again, is it applicable? Maybe I'm just surrounded by people who have different backgrounds from myself. Aside from that, there's also the possibility of me being different from other people. This could well be my biggest worry: being a social outcast.

It is very scary to be a social outcast. To be alone when you can be with other people who are like you, to be snubbed by people when they think you're wrong and to be thought of as weird. I'm not sure if I was ever a social outcast throughout my life yet. But there are times when I felt like a social outcast altogether, isolating myself from friends.

I guess it is time for me to get my act right. Set goals and so on. Maybe go as far as to define the person that I am to get me to where I want to be.