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Showing posts with label Emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emotions. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Tired and Undecided

Somehow, I just feel so tired and bored. I've been working for almost 1 year now. 10 months to be exact. 5 months in Monash University, another 5 months in Ernst & Young. I have to admit that it's been a very long 1 year for me and many things has changed

Monash University wasn't that tiring a job because I only had to do my work from 8am to 6pm or so. It wasn't that knowledge-intensive either. Counseling became a routine once you have done enough of it. Parents will always ask the same few questions whenever you meet them, students will always keep quiet most of the time in the presence of their parents. Most of the stuff are only administrative work

I have to admit that it was quite tough at first to move from an Accounting background student into what I'm currently doing which is more related to IT than accounting/auditing. Having learned so many new things in the past 5 months of working in EY really gave me the feeling of gratification. Perhaps I'm just consoling myself for not having gone through the traditional path of an accounting student. Or perhaps I'm just fulfilling my self-created prophecies

After these 5 months of work, I'm asking myself whether I should really stay on to do what I'm currently doing. Part of me just feels so tired of all the work and rush which is not worth it considering the lowly pay despite being a knowledge-based work. Another part of me feels like staying because of the enjoyable work that I can bear with to do even though it's not really the most fun kind of work to do. Relocating to Singapore might be a point of consideration if they have job opportunities there.

As it is, I'm just physically tired and mentally sluggish because of the work and sleeping late. I should've been sleeping by now but I'm still typing away this blog and checking for status updates in Facebook. But before I go, let me sign off with this quote that I've read today:

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
Thomas A. Edison

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Busy Busy Busy

I've been rather busy lately to the extent that at one point, I forgot what day of the week it was and the things that I had to do on certain days of the week.

And all this is because of working almost non-stop for a week or so. Even weekends are not entirely spared from work. I suppose this only happens when you're so into your work that you forgot entirely about the time.

I can't complain that I work until very late in office. I typically leave for home around 6.30pm to 8.00pm (this is very good considering the scope of work that I'm involved in). I have friends who are in traditional audit working until 11.00pm at night or later.

I have to admit that their scope of work is very much different than mine. They are required to work with a lot more hardcopy of documents and evidences compared to people from my field. That probably explains why it's not logical to bring home their work.

Although I go home before 8.00pm most of the time, I usually end up working from home after I freshen up until around 12.00am or so. I no longer have the time to do other things that I enjoy, e.g. exercise and so on. At least I'm learning a lot from what I'm currently doing. That's probably the biggest satisfaction that I'm getting from doing my work the best to my ability, with a price

Another 2 months or so and I can take a short break before preparing my internship report. It might be very difficult for me at the moment. I have not done any work yet thanks to my laziness. Will have lots of work to catch up with soon. I guess I'm squeezed right now

Monday, April 12, 2010

Are We Too Superficial?

Sometimes, when I meet some people who just become your friends because you have something/you can do something, it just turns me off immediately. It used to be that this doesn't happen to me at all when I was in secondary school. Maybe I'm just too sheltered from all these things and am too naive to understand all these things.

But as I entered university, I felt that the proportion of friends like these have increased quite a lot. These people only stick around you long enough for you to benefit them. Once the benefit vaporizes, so does the friendship. I wonder what is wrong with our society nowadays

These are the categories of friends that I often see:

1. The worst of friends are people who only come to you when you are the only person who can help them. Once you've helped them, you'll become complete strangers to one another in no time! I believe that I've met a few of such people in university so far. I'm just to tempted to say no when they come asking for help

2. There are others who come to you when they need help and treat you rudely when you have nothing that they want. The only thing that they want from you: the advantage that you wield or the help that you can offer. Once the helped has been given, hi-bye is the most that we can expect most from them. These are the people whom I purposely get out of my way just to help them only to get the cold shoulder when the help has been given. I've always thought that they're my friends only to be disappointed. Once you've helped them, they conveniently become hi-bye friends. Even a conversation is difficult to strike when you don't have anything that they want from you. But they instantly become your 'real' friends again when you have something that they want. They usually won't get out of their way to help you, they only expect you to help them!

3. Another type of friends are people who are very obviously hi-bye friends. They only say hi and bye when you meet. I don't really mind if they're people whom I understand are hi-bye friends. I just help them out of courtesy whenever I can. So when the help is asked, I'll just help if I can. If not, I'll just shake it off quickly and do whatever I want.

4. There's the final type of friends that I usually call real friends. They're people who offer help when it is needed most or people who reminds us of who we are. Although they may not be by our sides all the time, they still care about us regardless of the distance. These friends are harder to find these days

What kind of friend am I?

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Reason To Do Something

Ever wondered why you did something you had done?

Often times, I find myself doing things that are purely emotional. There's just no basis at all to do something but I ended up finding myself doing something, without any reason to do something. Often times, I also find myself regretting or somehow regretting what I had done.

One Example

Have you ever wondered why we drink alcoholic beverages?

Probably we are social drinkers, so we just drink when there is a social activity. On a not-so-nice basis, you can just say that social drinking is another kind of 'peer pressure'. The only difference is that your 'peers' are not so much like your peers after all.


If you don't live in the equator, you don't really have a reason to drink. In cold places, people drink alcoholic beverages to keep their body warm. If you live in the equator, there is even less reason to keep yourself warm (it's super hot in the equator, if you know what I mean).

On a rational basis, we are putting a lot of strain on our livers (even if the beverages are for free). Alcoholic beverages can put a lot of strain on the liver and it's generally bad for health. The liver is damaged slowly when the liver cells detoxifies the alcohol that we consume. This can lead to liver failure later in life if alcoholic beverages are consumed in large amounts over a long period of time.

This is aside from the high price that you have to pay for these beverages (in Malaysia). I don't know about other countries but in Malaysia, a can of beer that can be sold at RM1.50 is sold at RM5.00. That's a mark-up of more than 200%. Doesn't make any sense to me to pay so much for something that can be available at RM2.00 locally (minus tax but includes the seller's profits)

Decision?

This phenomena has been happening a little too often for me of late. I make a decision to do something that is purely made on emotions and ended up regretting what I had done. Now, I'm pretty certain of my stand on all these things and I'm determined to put a stop to all these stupid decisions!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Pain-Phobia?

We are humans. And our attitude leads us to avoid pain as best as we can. This is a reflex reaction that is ingrained in our brains over the centuries of evolution

However, that is the least effective way to grow ourselves. There's a saying that goes "something that doesn't kill you makes you stronger". This is in fact a very true situation. I believe that there are times when I have put myself through unnecessary situations that has made life more difficult for me. Ironically, these situations have helped me to grow as a person

As it is, I'm a person who's very academically daring. I believe that I'm not afraid of making mistakes and learning from such situations have helped me to improve academically. There's also a part of me that is always reluctant to put myself into difficult situations. One example is to approach people. I have to admit that I'm a social idiot. Although I appear to be calm for most of the time when I approach someone to talk, I find myself very reluctant to do so. Perhaps I'm just a naturally shy person or an introvert

As much as I'd like to improve myself on this point, I don't really work hard enough to improve myself on this. I sometimes tell myself I wanna improve this but the real effort doesn't really come in. That's where the plan to improve my sociability fails miserably. I'm starting to feel that I'm not trying hard enough to improve myself on this sector of my life. Stepping up will be difficult but it's a necessary choice

Friday, January 29, 2010

If He Goes, Then I Go

I was recently extremely intrigued by the "If He Goes, I Go" attitude that some people give me when I invite them to do something together (group activity). Usually, it's all right if one or two people does it. But when 5 people does it, it'll definitely wreak havoc.

Here's what happened to me:

I asked A-E if they wanna do something together. Then the "If He Goes, I Go" cycle when A says that he'll go if B goes. Then B goes on to say if C goes, I'll go. Ultimately, basically everyone will depend on the last person (E) to decide on whether to go. Then, one fine day, E decides that he'll not go because of something that he has to do. So, here's what will happen:

If E doesn't go, D doesn't go
If D doesn't go, C doesn't go
If C doesn't go, B doesn't go
If B doesn't go, A doesn't go

This usually ends up with everyone not going. Personally, I don't mind it if they each have their valid reasons for going. But when I get lame excuses for not going (and I feel like you're giving me lame excuses), I get a little frustrated. It gets more frustrating when you can't do a group activity simply because people give you lame excuses and you don't have enough people to do the group activity. PLAN CANCELLED

The thing that I don't like about this attitude is when I have the question of "Can't you decide yourself?" in my head. Then, the next question will automatically come "If E eats shit, you wanna eat shit?".

All of us are born and brought up differently. Hence, past experiences and core principles in life will definitely be different. There will be times when people have different interests and such. But when people want to do the same things with their friends simply because their friends are doing so, then I think they're making a very big mistake.

To quote Steve Jobs from Apple Inc. : "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life". Cheers ^.^

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Grouses

Today, I just had some sort of an outburst at my friend. I'm not really sure why I had started to become an angry kid. I've not done anything much for the past 2 weeks since university's trimester started and I think I won't be able to do what I want to do most until after Chinese New Year. This gets upsetting to me when I have some things to do but I didn't even start doing it in the first place.

Now, I'm not sure where I should start. Firstly, I'd like to apologize to all those whom I've been rather harsh or rude to recently. More so to my friend Elvin.

Maybe I'm having a character crisis. Sometimes questions that arise in my head is, who should I be? Should I be the loner that I have been, or should I be the party animal that enjoys every bit of fun available? The temptations of thrill-seeking is really strong. And it is real.

Rationally, I understand that being boring is better than being overly adventurous. Emotionally, it's a battle against all these temptations is losing the fight. There are times when I don't know who I want to be and how am I going to be the person that I want to be?

There are also times when I feel as though I'm just so alien. Probably this has got something to do with my principles on life. But then again, is it applicable? Maybe I'm just surrounded by people who have different backgrounds from myself. Aside from that, there's also the possibility of me being different from other people. This could well be my biggest worry: being a social outcast.

It is very scary to be a social outcast. To be alone when you can be with other people who are like you, to be snubbed by people when they think you're wrong and to be thought of as weird. I'm not sure if I was ever a social outcast throughout my life yet. But there are times when I felt like a social outcast altogether, isolating myself from friends.

I guess it is time for me to get my act right. Set goals and so on. Maybe go as far as to define the person that I am to get me to where I want to be.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Hallmark of A Great Individual

It was only yesterday night that I was in Hari Ramulu's class and once again, he has made me think hard. What really triggered such a thought? When Hari started comparing the CGPAs of two different individuals (they have very high CGPAs), I started thinking of what really makes great people great? So I kind of came up with this short list of what really makes us great

1. Cognitive capacity (Intelligence)

Well, needless to say, we always relate the greatness of people to intelligence. I have to say that this belief is partially true and partially false. I think the reason for saying this is very simple isn't it? There are many things in life that can be misused and intelligence is one of them. Otherwise, you wouldn't be seeing hackers who hack into servers and destroy files (not all hackers are bad). However, I wouldn't go far enough to say that people with average cognitive capacity to be mediocre in their lives. There are people with average cognitive capacity doing great things as well. Although it is evident that not all of us are born with the same cognitive capacity, nurture also play a very important part of the development of the cognitive capacity. I believe that sound cognitive capacity is not a pre-requisite, but an advantageous trait to have in order to become a great individual

2. Emotional Control

I have to say that being emotional is something that only makes us human. I feel that some of you might argue that:

Without emotions, we'll be less of a human. Being a human is all about having emotions. If a dog can show emotions, why not humans? If a human can't show emotions, it only means that he's even worse than a dog
In my honest opinion, there are many times that emotions will take the driver's seat in our mind and we do things that turn out to be irrational. I have personally been through such situations where emotions took control of me and I ended up making decisions that I regret. I have been lucky at times when the mistake didn't cost me that much but there are times when such mistakes did quite a severe blow to me. All these are pretty much based on my personal experience where there was poor upholding of my discipline.

* this does not apply to people to are involved in fields that are related to emotions like arts. I agree that there are many artists that make a living with their emotional expression and I truly respect these great artists *

3. Spirituality

For a person to identify and answer his higher calling, he must be in touch with his spiritual side. What is spiritual? Spiritual means of or pertaining to the spirit or soul, as distinguished from the physical nature. Essentially, to be able to identify and answer the higher calling means that that person is able to add value to his life by having a purpose in life. By having a more fruitful, purposeful and meaningful life, everyday seems to be so colourful. A person will have the determination to accomplish what he set out to do everyday simply because he is answering his calling, a greater and stronger reason to accomplish what he wants to accomplish

Having highlighted three hallmarks of a great individuals, I must admit that this is an incomplete list of all hallmarks of what makes an individual great. There is no definition of what constitutes a great individual because the scope is just too wide for me to cover in its entirety. Greatness is something that I don't know how to gauge. If you have any of your own opinions to add, I'll be very happy to share my views :D

* this post is only an opinion of the writer and should never be treated as a fact *

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

What A Dream...

It was only last night while sleeping that I had the weirdest dream that I've ever had (it was the dawn of 10 June 2009). This is just too unusual for me because most of the time, I'll just drop dead on the bed without dreaming much. Even if I do, I'll just forget about it completely when I wake up =P One of the significance of this dream is the level of vividness even after I've woken up. The details of the dream was still quite clearly etched in my mind when I woke up

Besides the vividness of the dream, the other significance of the dream was that it was regarding my Mum. As far as I can remember now, the dream was about parting with my Mum. Although I often live apart from my Mum for the past 2 years, I feel that the parting in the dream is 'for good' instead of temporary parting like now. This made me feel very emotional because when I woke up, I realized that who would I be without my Mum.

Well, just so that I don't emo too much over here, I'd better sign off and remind all of you that WITHOUT OUR MUM, WE ARE NOBODY

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

It's The End of The Academic Year

It's already Week 13 of Trimester 3 2008/2009. I'm studying my FSA as my roomie is currently coughing his lungs out (I wonder it's for real) while surfing the net (prolly on a social network site with DJ Club members)

Sometimes, I just feel it's pretty annoying to be facing a lack of attention. I just feel that my roommate is rather noisy even though I never tell him personally. I believe that he has his liberty to do whatever he wants in the room that makes him happy. But for him to leave the sound on while he's watching videos or TVB series when I'm going to bed or studying is rather inconsiderate imo. Sometimes he does something less annoying like singing or talking to me (at least he'll stop after he's tired). If he does it once in a few weeks, that would still be tolerable but for him to do it weekly is rather annoying

Another weird part that I've observed is that my present roomie simply likes to cheer, clap and sing even when he's surfing a social network website . Not that I'll respond to him since I'm not with DJ Club anyway. I used to respond to his clowny acts in the room but now that I'm so used to it, I just ignored it. After all, I'd rather treasure my time in my room since I have quite a lot of things to do.

Since he has almost stopped coughing away, I just can't help but wonder what he's thinking in his head. I think I've heard those coughs since last week (if my memory serves me well) and I'm doubting if the coughs will stop anytime soon. Now, the main question comes "Why doesn't he seek consultation from the doctor?". If it's financial problems, he wouldn't be spending so lavishly on other things like food. If it's no time, he wouldn't be sleeping his daytime off.

Since this is the end of the academic year, I'm definitely glad that I'm going to have a more considerate roommate for the next academic year. All I can do is just wish my present roommate all the best in finding his perfect roommate. At least I've found mine =D

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Holiday In Hell

I wonder why I feel extremely miserable today. I'm supposed to be happy because I'm having my holidays. Instead of feeling free and happy, I'm condemned to this feeling of misery. Probably it's because of the weather that really got to me emotionally. It miraculously rained at 6pm when I had wanted to go jogging, making me unable to go jogging T.T Sometimes I get a little cranky when I don't get my fair share of physical exercise. Feeling a little tired, bored and moody today

Signing off,